After all, I am still nobody

Woke up at six in the morning, had a deep thought about my future. I remember I used to fantasized about my future to be a great man when I was just a kid. However, I am 21 soon but I've got nothing to be proud of about myself. I wished I could be some top student, obtain a first class honor degree from MMU but end up something like this happened.

The normal distribution and the circle part is where I am among the students

I am at the other side of the normal distribution, I am not even stay in the mod part. Sigh.. Maybe engineering is really not my field of interest. Majoring in Nanotechnology might make me drop even more. Can't imagine what will happen in future. I might be some jobless guy sitting along the street. Oh no, hopefully this never not happen on me. >.< style="text-align: justify;">

BOOM!!!, my ambition gone.. =(

I was once a famous student in school, that was during my secondary school time. It is because I was a person that holding many top position in some clubs of my school. Eg, President of Interact Club, President of Tennis Club, Vice President of English Language Society and bla bla bla. However, I was not a good leader to manage all these clubs well.
During primary school time, I was quite famous too. It is because I participated in many kind of competitions. Eg, singing competition, calligraphy, BM story telling and bla bla bla. But all these happened when I was just a primary school student and primary school students actually don't perform themselves that's why I got the opportunities. I remembered there was once my Malay teacher scolded me with this "山中无虎你才称霸“ meaning that I could get the chance is because of lack of participants. That was really hurt for a small kid like me at that time.

My sisters and cousins are actually my role of model. They are the super sisters and super cousins in my heart. Every time when my dad starts telling me stories about them, I felt amazed and I told myself to work hard to fight for proud and glory for my family. Haha, end up now, I am still nothing but a normal 20 years old guy with nothing. I hate this because this is not what I wanted when I was young. I always take things as granted, I always think that there are still plenty of time for me to relax, to play, to enjoy. But in fact, I am growing older and older and older without realizing this serious matter. Somehow super sisters and super cousins might indirectly create some kind of pressure to me. It is because every time when I visits my relatives, uncles will start asking about our studies and future plans. Starts from the eldest one, then the second and my turn. So if I got nothing, I got nothing to answer them. If I got nothing to answer them, I will feel ashamed. Actually the pressure is created between me and myself. I don't want to be special or different among my family members, I just want to be as normal like them. =) Hopefully I can do it.

I admit that I am some kind of people that think in a way of very complicated. Somehow I made something very simple to be very complicated. I like to think of the same thing again and again and finally there are too many things pop up in my mind and eventually I started contradicting myself with those so called "extra informations". I am crazy sometimes. LOL. However, I found out keep thinking helps me to solve some problems too so I insisted to do the same thing but now I will be more flexible and will not contradict myself anymore. *hopefully* XD

Things are getting more and more complicated as I grow up. I know that I cannot depend on my parents to make any decision for my future. My dad often telling me that nothing is permanent and I got to keep this deep inside my heart. My mom been comforting me when I was down. My family members have been giving full of supports to me, that's why I am so attached to them and I love them so much.

My dad, mom, sisters and my little god brother.

I am also bad in managing a relationship. Failed failed failed failed failed, break break break break break. Somehow I really got to blame myself for being so picky. I believe in feelings, I believe in fate, I believe in destiny but I know that destiny is not something set by God but by ourselves. We have to choose the path that belong to us, the road which is more suitable for us and the way that we want to go on. "Impossible is the only thing which is impossible, changing is the only thing that will never change, experiencing is the only thing that never end."
There are many singles around me but because of my picky character, I couldn't get one among them. They do attracted me to them but sometimes I am just too shy to say " I like you."

I believe in feelings and I define feelings in 3 ways which is love, like and admire.

Admire - This is a kind of feeling that a girl could give me because of her CAPABILITY. This of feeling might got diminished after she couldn't show anymore capability.
Like - This is a kind of feeling that a girl could give. She might be good, capable and attractive. But this feeling is definitely lesser than love. I might not sacrifice everything for her. Like could be develop to be love.
Love - The best feeling. Nothing to explain about this. Just a very special feeling from a very special person.

This is my own way of defining the feelings, as a reference for you guys. =)
I AM STILL SINGLE.. =)

Friends can hardly gain, true friends might even worse. I appreciate all the friendships and I really feel thankful to have you guys to be by my side. Conflict is something that will surely happen between friends, but there is nothing worth even more than a friendship for me. An apologize and an action by me is something that I could only use to show my sincerity to my friends on how much I treasure our friendship. No one is perfect in this world, having mistake will surely happen in life and the mistake might offended others. We are not living in the world of our own. But all we have to do is to learn from mistakes and experience s in order to be a better person. =) I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to my friends that I've offended and is reading my blog now. "I am sorry for what I've done."
Luckily I am still consider successful in making friends. =)

These are some important person in my life. (guys, if your photo is not here doesn't mean that you are not important, it's just that my collection of photos are limited, I appreciate everyone around me)
p/s please click on the photos to enlarge it.

KOTA TINGGI

Wei Tian, my god brother. We were brother since we were just a little baby.

Lyon Kong, 13 years of brotherhood. From a kids till now.

Vincent Tan, one of my buddy, he is now in UK. A lawyer now.

JF, She taught me what's Love.

Ah Doi, my secondary school gang member.

Pei Yi (green in color). The president of "ye ren ju le bu a.k.a the wild club"

Gary, my hometown gang member

Mohana, she taught me a lot of things. Used to "ponteng" classes together. hehe

Taylor's College Subang Jaya

Mei Ling, a person who enjoy my singing. =)

Oliver, my best friend from SAM.

Huey Ling, my "little sister". Thanks for always being by my side.

PeiErr, the girl in pink. They are couple and I am just the gooseberry

My Taylor's roommates. They taught me many things.

My SAM classmates (E1). I really enjoyed the time studying in Taylor's College.

Multimedia University, Cyberjaya

YCC, my gang in MMU

YSY, my lovely roommate in MMU

My housemates: me, Tjun Wern, YSY and Hong

The E-10-A a.k.a A2-10-12 gang
Ken Huat, Hoong, Bong, me, Patrick and Chee (daiko)

Kelmynn, She taught me how to spell P-R-O-M-I-S-E

Luke, my ex-housemate. We used to discuss about Dhama quite often.

Mack, my friend from Iran who drinks with me in Cyberjaya.

Redang friend

Mandy Cheese, a friend who read my blog frequently. thanks mandy =)

My assistant

My assistant, Melissa (currently no photo to be uploaded)

I am going to be 21 soon. Still gaining experiences, gaining confidence and gaining knowledges. I hope all these could lead me to a better person, a better life. I want to be great man as how I used to fantasize, I want to be the person in my world of fantasy, I want to be the person that I wanted to be and I want my life to be complete. Effort must be putting into my life, hard work have to be continued in my future journey and the true love person have to be found to complete our journey to success together. Joshua wants to be a better person and he is sure that he can be. Thanks dad, mom, sisters and all of my friends.